First messages that get replies

With the clocks about to go back and the evenings drawing in, many of us spend a bit more time curled up with our phones. It's a good moment to start a conversation with someone new. Even so, staring at an empty message box can feel surprisingly daunting, especially if it's been a while. The good news is that a first message doesn't need to be clever. It just needs to be warm, genuine and easy to answer.

Why "Hi" rarely works

A single "Hi" or "Hey, how are you?" puts all the work on the other person. They have nothing to go on, so plenty of people simply don't reply. It's not personal...it's just hard to answer a message that doesn't say anything.

Start with their profile

The best openers show you've actually read what someone wrote. Look for one specific thing you can ask about.

• Spot something you share. A love of dogs, a favourite walk, the same taste in music.
• Ask about a photo. "Is that Reculver in your second picture? I love those towers on a windy day."
• Pick up on a detail. If they mention they're learning to paint, ask what they're working on at the moment.

Interests on your own profile make this easier for everyone, so it's worth choosing yours with care. My tips for writing a dating profile can help.

Ask a question that's easy to answer

A question keeps the conversation going, but it shouldn't feel like homework. "What's your favourite walk round here?" is easy and fun to answer. "Tell me about yourself" is not. Here are a few Kentish openers to borrow:

• "I see you like walking. Have you done the cliff path from Deal to St Margaret's?"
• "Whitstable or Broadstairs for fish and chips? I need someone to settle it."
• "Your profile says you love gardens. Have you got a favourite in Kent?"

Keep it short and warm

• Two or three sentences is plenty. Save your life story for the first date.
• Use their name if it's on their profile. It feels friendlier straight away.
• Share a little about you. Answer your own question, so they have something to reply to.
• Read it back before you send it. A quick spelling check never hurts.

Be patient with replies

People have busy lives. Some only check messages in the evening, others every few days. A slow reply isn't a no, so try not to read too much into it. One gentle follow up is fine...a string of them isn't. And if someone doesn't reply at all, wish them well and move on. There are lots of genuine people across Kent looking for the same thing you are.

Keep it friendly and safe

Early chats are a lovely way to get to know someone, but take your time before sharing details like your address, workplace or phone number. Keeping the conversation on Go Kent Dating to begin with means the site's safety tools keep working for you, and it will warn you if someone tries to move the chat elsewhere. Look out for the verified badge too: ID verification is free for every member. My guide to dating safely has more simple habits that help.

Go on, say hello

I started Go Kent Dating so people across the county could meet someone local and genuine, and it all begins with a simple hello. Pick someone whose profile made you smile and send them a question. If you're not sure where to start, see who's near you.

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